I've been poured out, dried up, and struggling for passion.
God is faithful ~ don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't abandoned. I was just dry.
Dry like the wilderness, seeking His Face and only finding His back. I sought to hold His hand, He showed me His fingerprints.
During this time, He had a friend challenge me.
My friend encouraged to seek Him all the more when He is silent, far away. If the drought was not because of sin in my life, the desert I was in was possibly because there was something greater coming. More glory to His Name, a greater revelation. I took a deep breath and stopped crying (I don't think my friend knew what to do with my tears! :), and said, "Okay, Lord, I know I can't live without You, so I'm going to keep seeking to live with You."
Days Passed.
Weeks.
Months.
It's so much easier to see something amiss in another's life and pray for them. It's so much easier to pray for someone else ~ pray for God's touch, for His grace, for His presence and His passion for them. For some reason, a sense of guilt holds one back from praying those prayers for oneself.
It's selfish.
It's so self-centered.
I'm really okay, it's all alright.
That's what I thought... but Thank You, Father, for not giving up on me. Thank You, Jesus, for knowing me. Truly knowing me, deeply and intimately.
Psalm 42:1-2, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"
Over New Years, I headed down to Tennessee with nine other high school students, five kids, and six adults. We were quite the crew! :) We headed down for The Ramp, a conference with a mission to take you from one level to the next in your relationship with Christ.
That weekend: Did it fix everything?
As much as I'd like to say "yes", my answer is actually absolutely not. It started the cloud gathering, of the Rain and Refreshing that was to come. It pointed out the sign of the Path Beyond The Cross, but I hadn't made it very far yet.
One of the adults understood. She saw exactly where I stood.
"It's been a dry season," she said, "A time is coming of rain, of refreshing."
Oh, how I wanted to cling to that! But when? Oh, when?
My God is Faithful.
My God is True.
Oh, Lord, take me deeper/ Take me farther in
Oh, Lord, I can't live without You/ I can't live in where I've been
He's started to Rain. He has started to Refresh. Oh, how sweet it feels! How Glorious it is! How extravagantly our God loves!
The desert and the parched land with be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the Lord,
the splendor of our God.
Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with diving retribution he will come to save you."
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.
The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there, nor will any ferocious beast get up on it; they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there, and the ransomed of the Lord will return.
They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."
He poured out His Spirit into my dear friends' lives, igniting a fire and drawing them closer.
He saw my deepest, most secret wishes and dreams, and acknowledged them.
His character and Spirit align with the Holiness of His Word, His opinion becoming my focus.
He's challenging me to not put out the Spirit's fire (1 Thessalonians 5:19) and to guard the good deposit that was entrusted to me (2 Timothy 1:14).
He dropped opportunities into my lap to introduce Him to those who needed His touch.
The river is coming, and I'm wading out into the middle. The outpouring of the Holy Spirit and His joy, peace, grace, and passion is coming.
Will you come with me? Will you come with me, chasing after Him? Chasing His beauty, His heart.
Come with me, on the Path Beyond the Cross.