Do you fall on your face before God in a crisis? In a praise? At times we go to our knees to intercede for another. Or to thank Him for protection. Have you ever been brought to your knees in loneliness or despair? Heartache or frustration? In need of grace or rejoicing in forgiveness?
What brings me to my knees?
And when I say "brought to my knees", it can mean the physical act of kneeling... but what I actually mean is my complete surrender and dependence upon Him. My desperation to walk in His presence and my dependence upon His Spirit to invade.
God has given me a new understanding... and I am not sure that I "get it" all yet, but I see a small bit.
Sometimes, He will use anything in our lives to bring us to our knees. For me, during most of high school, He used loneliness. Oh, I don't look lonely. I'm involved and active, busy and accomplishing. I had many people who I loved and cared about, and who also loved and cared about me. I was (and still am) tremendously blessed in my variety of friends.
But during high school I was heart-lonely.
I prayed for a best friend ~ that girl who I had always seen but never experienced who we could finish each other's sentences and share everything from Bible verses to clothes.
God said "wait."
I prayed for a boyfriend ~ a man of God who was pursuing Him and who I could one day marry. Someone I could laugh with a take pictures with and pray with.
God said "wait."
And so I waited, on my knees, lonely but not alone. Because He met every need ~ emotional, spiritual.
Then the Lord blessed me... He blessed me with a heart-friend. Someone I could seek after Him with, share a passion for a transformed life with, and text constantly with about everything from breakfast to miracles.
But two days ago I got scared and almost pulled back. "God!" I cried, "With this friend, I "need" you less. I rely on her for companionship instead of only You... I laugh with her instead of our inside jokes... That can't be ok! Make me need you again!"
And when I prayed that, I thought it meant "Make me lonely again!"
Gently, Jesus whispered.
"You think you only need me because you've been lonely? Do you think I only want to be needed to satisfy loneliness?
"Oh, my child... desire me out of love, not loneliness. Come to your knees in enjoyment, basking in my presence.
"And, Molly Kay," He whispered, "Enjoy your friendship. Because I gave it to you as a blessing."
Do tears even begin to express my gratitude? My God answers prayer, and continues to reveal Himself in new ways.
Sing with me? How Great is our God!