College applications.
Essays.
The life of every high school senior.
That was me last year at this time, looking at schools and scholarships. Praying for clarity and vision.
Now, I'm sitting in a college library in Texas, 17 hours from home. 17 hours. Being honest, it didn't sound that far to me. Indiana to Texas? Okay, so a 17-hour drive or a 4-hour flight. No big deal -- it'll be an adventure. So I packed my bags and headed south, to the Lone Star State. They were kind people, there was good scholarships, and the sunshine made it warmer year-round than unpredictable Indiana. This would be easy...
That's what I thought.
Everyone else saw it. Funny, isn't it, how the people in your life that know you the best see and realize something, and you still refused to believe it? Yeah, that was me. They were all so sweet, so understanding... "You'll be homesick, but it'll be okay" ... "You'll probably cry, but don't get discouraged" ... "This is gonna be hard, but I'm always here for you."
I smiled, nodded, thanked and hugged... and inwardly shook my head. I was independent, I was an adult, and I was going on an adventure!
Then, reality struck.
College students, anyone been here, too?? Or am I the only one? lol
I had a panic attack, and my mind went back to friends in high school who I had comforted and prayed for, but never really understood. God, forgive me. Only now that I've been through it can I empathize.
So I learned humility.
I missed home, and friends, and family. God, I need you to meet my emotional needs... help me!
So I learned the power of prayer.
I ran into theological problems with professors, and my spiritual mind was scrambled like eggs and friend like bacon. God, give me clarity and truth. They're so much smarter than me...
So I learned simplicity and trust, like the child Jesus spoke of inheriting the kingdom of heaven.
I got a call from home about struggles and troubles. God, I can't help at all. All I can do is pray. Please intervene!
So I learned desperation before Christ.
I got sick, and I just wanted to NOT be an adult with classes and homework and responsibilities and having to drive myself to the doctor. God, I don't have the strength to do this on my own.
So I learned dependence.
I felt discouraged and muddled from wading through classroom theological discussion. God, who are you really? Not who they say you are, but Who You Are.
So I learned how quickly God hears and answers prayer.
I skyped friends from back home. God, thank You for the "good and perfect gifts" that You give Your children.
So I learned to appreciate the beauty of what I had been given.
All in all, my first semester in the Lone Star State has taught me a lot of things that I don't know I would've learned otherwise. Things I didn't even know I needed to learn.
I thought I'd been desperate before Christ before; I thought I'd been humbled before; I thought I'd been empathetic before... but isn't it cool that there is always something more, always something new, that God wants to do in us? That's the beauty of life ~ the ever-changing, always shifting landscape of the vineyard where you're planted. We don't stay the same for long if we're chasing hard after God's heart.
Trust me, it hasn't been easy or pleasant. It's honestly been mostly the opposite of that... but that's okay. I'll live and grow as I'm continually plunged to new depths. (Or just jump into new puddles, whichever situation presents itself!)